Dissolve Yourself
by George should be Peter
Summary: Ferdinand Duke Musking, she's a great quidditch player, a lonely girl, and a squib. An OC you love to be conflicted by. Ferdinand deals with the everyday consequences of her life.


I stare at her. She's lifeless, vacant, and fake. I close my eyes and try to remember being her last week. Its gone, that feeling of her. I'm going be here again next week, and the following weekend, but being her there and then. Its so unreal, but everything in the past is. Yesterday feels like a book you read at one in the morning. Its vague but when you think of it details appear.

She's smiling waving her beater bat around. What a stupid poster. I'm dressed in quidditch garb, Montrose magpies respectively. I'm waving, and above me sits the quote "Greatest player of our time". That always makes me laugh, are they serious? Its actually insulting for them to say I'm the greatest player, a bit pretentious right?

A loud noise overcomes my thinking time, damn muggle alarm clocks they are annoying. I lay there for a couple of minutes contemplating going back to sleep. DAMN there it is again. That beep will curse me till the day I die.

Slipping on socks and traveling through my apartment to get ready I spot her. She's staring at me like I'm some kind of freak. Oh how the mirror lies. I look tired, my brown eyes red and purple circles underneath. My dark red hair falls limply from my scalp. My body larger than I'm happy with. Screw that though, cause it'll never change.

Birthday cards sit on the kitchen table. It's the end of October already. One sits among the rest, its from my dad.

_Dear Ferdinand,_

_Happy Birthday, Your 25! How are you feeling? I saw Saturdays game, you sure took a beating from those cannons. When I played them they were much easier, but that was along time ago. Your pops is getting old. I got you a present but Pierre just couldn't haul it over to your house. Come for lunch, Sean and Amanda are excited to see you. She's gonna burst if that bun stays in the oven any longer. _

_See you this afternoon, Dad_

Exciting... Not. I love my dad, but he's too awkward nowadays. I really don't want to go over to dads in this weather. It's raining and I have to bike there. I'll deal with that later though, I need breakfast.

I rode my bike down Panmure street . Montrose is my favourite place in the world. The grass is stained bright green, its like a blanket of limes. Even with the rain, the sun shines down on me. The buildings new, the cathedrals old. I pass muggles every where I turn, some wave some don't. I've lived here my whole life so my family's pretty well known. I enter the wizarding community on St. peters road. Lots of enchanted houses sit there with life in them. At the end of the road a medium sized house stares at me. I've lived there before, I grew up there. The bricks are bright red and the front doors paint is starting to chip. The windows are gigantic and not one has the shades down. When we were kids we had to leave the blinds up, my dad loves the natural light from the sun. Sunflowers curl around the steps, untamed flowers sit waiting for winter to come. I left my bike on the front lawn, no one in a wizarding community is going to steal my bike. I hope.

The smell of mince pie lights the air. It pulled my memories and my body through the door. Two coats sat on our large chair near the door. A large black men's coat, and an oddly shaped maternity fashion jacket. I threw my coat and my old school scarf down on top of them. The place has pictures literally covering every wall. Most of them of Sean and I playing as kids. There are some of my dad playing quidditch, some of random animals, and some of my brothers wedding. There is one in particular that is my favourite, my mothers picture. My deceased mother had the most beautiful long blonde hair and bright green eyes. She looks like a movie star sitting on the wall like a Hollywood idol. Too bad my brother Sean got her looks, I look exactly like my father. Which isn't that bad, he's okay.

"Ferdinand! Happy Birthday!" The large pregnant lady shouted from across the room.

"Amanda, your going to burst! Are we near a hospital just in case?" I looked at her in delight. I really loved Amanda, she was perfect for my brother.

"Your 25, lil' sis." My brother stood next to her smiling.

"Yeah don't remind me, I'm so old."

"Hey I'm 54, so by association I'm ancient by your standards." My dad smiled. No matter how old he was, he still looks like a little boy. His freckles were incipient over his face, and his dark red hair sticks out of his head..

"Hey dad."

"We've been waiting forever for you to get over here, I'm so hungry." Amanda said possessed by her pregnant cravings.

"It would be so much more convenient if you weren't a squib and could just apparate here." My brother said all ready in the dining room.

"Tell me about it. My hamstrings are killing me." My brother and me never could've talked about my situation when we were kids as lightly as we do now. I'm a bonafide squib, pretty annoying right? Hogwarts was a bitch.

I remember it like it was yesterday. We all knew by the time I was eleven that I was a squib, so my dad had been putting me through muggle grade school. The summer of '87 was the worst. My brother was getting ready for Hogwarts while I sat there hoping to get my letter. My dad didn't help keeping my hopes up, he even told me that I probably would never go to Hogwarts. I waited still. I got up every morning to check our owl, I watched Pierre constantly for my mail. I finally gave up hope one day. Too tired to think I went to bed and got up late the next morning. Alas sitting in front of me was my smiling brother and a letter with emerald writing-

"Ferdinand, You coming?" My dad yelled from the other room.

"Yeah sure dad."

It was about four when I got out of there. Lunch was pretty great, and we ended up playing muggle board games for the rest of the afternoon. I picked my bike up off the dry grass. The sun was out and it was pretty warm. I threw the presents my dad got me into the basket. I walked past the houses. Two little boys were playing on the lawn. One of them, the little boy who lived in that house, was Alex Kaplan. I babysit for him sometimes. He had a new friend over, a mousy boy with curly brown hair.

"Hey Alex! How's everything? How's your mum?"

"Pretty good. I'm counting down the days till next September though. Mums having tea inside with Dan's mum."

"Le' me guess Hogwarts?" I leaned on my bike, the wheels jolted forward a bit.

"Yeah!" He looked over at his friend who was gaping at me in awe.

"Daniel! Don't stare." He nudged the boy with his elbow.

"Your Ferdinand Duke Musking!" The boy sort of squealed as he said this. "Captain of the Montrose magpies! Best beater that ever lived!"

"You want me to autograph your forehead?" I would never give up a chance to autograph someone's forehead.

"YEAH!" I took out a sharpie and scribbled my name on his forehead. "THIS IS SO COOL!"

"Awesome," I put the cap on the marker and looked at Alex. "it was nice to see you!"

I walked off as the boys ran inside.

"MOMMMY! MOMMY! SHE AUTO- GAPPPED MY FOUR-HEAD."

I got to my apartment within thirty minutes. It was a nice ride back. I put my coat down and unwrapped my old Hogwarts scarf. I laid it on the table. The green and silver threads were loosely woven, the badge near the bottom was disintegrating. Hogwarts was hard, but every second was worth it.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_Entering my first year…_

The train sat there in its glory. The one transportation the whole British wizarding community relied on to thrive. I held my dads hand and he squeezed it roughly. Every parent looked excited and eager to see their children off. My father looked as if he had seen a werewolfe. I don't know if it was because he was afraid because I was a squib or if he really didn't want to lose me, but I'll remember that face forever.

"You excited?" My brother Sean a third year smiled broadly.

"Nope… I'm really scared." I whispered under my breath.

"You'll be fine. I promise you'll love it."

"but…but …" I started to sob. I looked up to my father and through my tears I saw my emotions reflect off him. "I'm not like everyone else-"

"yeah you aren't, your better. You can play every position in Quidditch on a professional level. You're a musking and you're a perfect you." My dad squatted beside me. He embraced me and pushed me towards the train. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss… you… too." I said between breaths. I wiped my face and waddled onto the train.

Looking for compartments, my brother finally found an empty one. He set up all my stuff, than left for his own friends. I opened up a muggle book and dived my self into it.  
A noise stirred me as three people filed into the compartment. They were all first years like me. A girl with brown hair and two tall black boys stood there.

"Can we sit here?" They smiled at me.

"Yes!" I was filled with joy, maybe they could be my new friends.

"My name is Alessia DeFrancesco." the girl presented herself.

"I'm Damian Brice, and this is my brother Vince." The black boy spoke up.

"I'm Ferdinand Musking-"

"Musking?"

"Yeah my dad plays, you know him?"

"He's a beast! He led Scotland into one of the greatest world cup wins of all time!"

"He's pretty good…. What house do you guys want to be in?" I changed the subject, my fathers fame made me feel uncomfortable.

"I'm Slytherin all the way." Alessia smiled./

"We want ravenclaw." Vince and Damian added

"Oh… my brother says that's a bad house. My dad never liked Slytherins."

"No its good! Loads of smart pure-blooded wizards are in there."

"Well my whole family was in Gryffindor. My dad flipped when my brother got into Ravenclaw." I fidgeted with my hands. "I don't think I'll have any chance of being a slytherin anyways cause I'm a-" I stopped myself. My voice went dry. Nothing hurt me more than to think of my squib condition. I was so worried about coming to Hogwarts I memorized almost every text book my brother had.

"what?"

"oh… because I'm a Musking."

"Well you never know right?" Alessia smiled at me with he blue eyes.

We arrived into the Great Hall. It was greater than anything I've every seen. The walls carved, the sky lurking above us. I glance at the different tables. I stared at the Gryffindor table. Lots of older kids were staring me down. I moved to see Sean slightly smiling at me. I gave him the thumbs up sign, and he chuckled. Thus the sorting began. Children walked up to the guillotine- I mean the hat all looking flustered.

"Brice, Damian." He moved towards the hat without fear and placed it upon his head. It took at least four minutes for the hat to just figure out where he was going to go. "GRYFFINDOR."

"Brice, Vince" Vince stalled to put the haton. "SLYTHERIN."

He smiled bright white and moved to the table which was cheering. A girl with blonde hair and an incredibly skinny boy were sorted into Gryffindor and Hufflepuff respectively.

"Clearwater, Penelope." A girl with waist length curly hair sat upon the chair. She was very pretty. "RAVENCLAW!"

"DeFrancesco, Alessia." The hat fell over her eyes but almost immediately shouted Slytherin. She followed Vince's example and sashayed off to her table. I slouched, because I knew that I'd probably end up in Hufflepuff, the "everything else" house. Some other kids were sorted but I was way too anxious to pay attention. I shifted form foot to foot.

"Musking, Ferdinand." Some whisper, not to many though spread. I cautiously walk towards the ratted hat. The staff looked at me weirdly, differently than at the others. Vacant faces. I averted their eyes and sat on the stool.

"_oh dear! Your dad and brother were easy, but your going to be a hard one. Your smart and cunning. Something's holding down your magic though."_

"_I don't have any magic."_

"_Of course you do, everyone does."_

"_Well mines isn't very much."_

"_You don't know that. I know just the right place for you to find your self-"_

"SLYTHERIN."

The table literally burst with cheers. "We Got Musking's Kid!" was echoed all over. That was the only reason they wanted me?

Speaking of my dad, he's going to kill me for being in Slytherin. I sat at the table and Alessia smiled over at me. Everyone was beaming over at me.

"Weasley, Percy." A tall lanky red headed boy stepped up to the hat. It sat on his head for a while, but then shouted Gryffindor.

"Wood, Oliver." That's when I first saw Oliver. He was the cutest boy in our year. His dark brown hair covered his eyes and he was sorted into Gryffindor as well. I was disappointed when I heard this. I had a incipient crush on him.

Dinner began shortly after that, and all was well.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

As I crawled into my bed, I laid back thinking of Oliver. I turned my head to the picture of us on my bedside table, we look so happy. His mouth is open with laughter and my head is reeled back. He is caring a large fish. Yes we went fishing. That was a couple months ago though. Now we weren't together anymore. I put the picture face down and went to sleep.


End file.
